


I told ya I was troubled (yeah, ya know that I'm no good)

by raspberrybubblegum



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Crossdressing, Drag Queens, Eggsy in a dress, Eggsy is a girl sometimes, Harry is bothered and totally out of character, M/M, Merlin and Roxy are a couple of shits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 09:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3762964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspberrybubblegum/pseuds/raspberrybubblegum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now the thing about Eggsy is that when he does manage to see Pretty Woman, he realizes he has more in common with Julia Robert’s character than Harry probably meant to allude to during their first meeting. And it’s not necessarily the bit where he might have sold his body once or twice to help out his mum during bad times either. No, he thinks, the reason he’s so uncomfortable watching the movie with Harry that evening,  is cuz I probably have a wig just like that somewhere in me closet.</p><p>Or the one where there are a bunch of queens and Eggsy's mission involves pretending to be one and really, no one believes he can do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I told ya I was troubled (yeah, ya know that I'm no good)

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Kingsman. If I did, it would be all gay, every which way. 
> 
> This is so much longer than I had originally planned but for some reason it just kept writing itself. I had a lot of fun writing it and so much fun doing research (which involved hours and hours of youtube-ing drag queens). I adore drag queens but there are so many gender issues in this fic that I hope I don't end up offending anybody. If I do, I am sorry. It wasn't my intention. This is un-betaed, so all mistakes are mine.

Now the thing about Eggsy is that when he does manage to see Pretty Woman, he realizes he has more in common with Julia Robert’s character than Harry probably meant to allude to during their first meeting. And it’s not necessarily the bit where he might have sold his body once or twice to help out his mum during bad times either. _No,_ he thinks, the reason he’s so uncomfortable watching the movie with Harry that evening,  _is cuz I probably have a wig just like that somewhere in me closet._

 

* * *

 

The thing about being a Kingsman that excites and bothers Eggsy, sometimes at the same time, is that he never truly knows what to expect. Sure, Merlin and Harry have both done their best to prepare him for everything that might come his way, but sometimes even their combined genius and his extensive training can’t prepare him for some of the things that end up happening anyway. Fortunately for him, he has been lucky enough to have been blessed with enough street smarts to rely on and a whole ton of life experiences from dealing with Dean to know how and when to just wing it.

On this particular instance though, he has no idea whether or not to let everybody know that he won’t be needing any special training nor will he be needing to ‘wing’ anything.

The mission, as he has been briefed by their quartermaster and boss, has to do with seducing a mark they suspected had terrorist ties. It was supposed to be a simple honey pot mission, one he has done a number of times since joining the organisation.

The mark was a 30 something handsome, tech industrialist billionaire who had Valentine like aspirations (meaning he too wanted to weed out the world and leave behind only those he deemed fit, not to mention probably instate himself as King along the way). According to their intel, the man was funding several home grown local terrorists organisations who’d already been responsible for small attacks in the wake of Valentine’s failed plot. They meant to destabilize the government, kill a few innocent people and generally wreak havoc all over the place- _typical bad guy stuff really_. However, there was nothing solid to connect him to the organisations. No money trails- only a questionable informant, who may or may not have ulterior motives to selling out their target. Which was where they came in- their primary objective was to get close enough to the target to collect information to put him away. Unfortunately for them months of surveillance work had uncovered pretty much nothing about his preferences. He was more than just discreet, he seemed almost asexual. The man didn’t go out and didn’t invite people over either. Suspicious, since the package seemed immensely appealing. _Maybe they can all smell the crazy from far away._ Eggsy thinks, unkindly.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that they had managed to trail him to an exclusive club and not until yesterday when they had managed to turn someone from the club that they had gotten the information they needed.

“The club we had traced him to, you could say, cater to very particular clientele with very singular tastes.” Merlin stated coyly and Eggsy could already sense his impending doom. The older man looked far too amused by the whole situation and Eggsy wondered if it was already too late to accept the mission to Alaska that he had passed up. Nothing good ever came from the smirk on Merlin’s face and he knew he was right to worry with Merlin’s next words.

“Our target was recently seen at a club called Medusa. A club which distinguishes itself from other institutions in the area as the only club that offers drag performances every night. You Eggsy, will be going undercover as a drag queen.”

\-----------------

When Eggsy was smaller, before Dean had come into their lives, his mother had always told him that it was her and him against the world. They had spent almost all their time together when his mother hadn’t been working- preferring to stay with her rather than play outside with all of his friends. There was something about the sadness in her eyes after his father died that made him want to chase it away with his silly jokes and play.

One day, on the tv, he sees a man dressed as a woman arguing with another man over the state of their house. He looked absolutely ridiculous with his exaggerated makeup, bright red wig and ill fitting clothes. Eggsy watches in awe as the man in a dress berates the other man who is supposed to be the ‘husband’ in the relationship and listens to his mother laugh and laugh until she’s wheezing. He doesn’t really understand it at all but the way his mother laughs like she hasn’t laughed in months convinces him to consider the man in the dress.

The following day, he comes down from his room dressed in one of his mother’s flowery coats and pointy heels- lips stained with her red lipstick and his mother laughs and laughs until she cries. She tells him he looks beautiful and looks at him like he’s the most precious thing in the world. They spend the entire day playing house- just the two of them and he feels lighter and happier than he has ever been.

He never forgets the happy feeling inside at making her happy but he doesn’t touch his mother’s things again after Dean comes along.

\----------------

Since a mission like this has never been attempted and both Harry and Merlin were wary of hiring out some specialist to teach him what they thought he needed to know (“How does one go about hiring a drag queen to teach someone how to become one?” Harry enquires and Merlin scratches his chin, considering their options.), he had been left to prepare for the mission on his own with only Roxy as his support. Of course Merlin had sent him a whole bunch of youtube links regarding everything from drag makeup to drag performances and had given him a blank check to buy all the things he would need for the mission. Roxy, on the other hand, had enjoyed watching the how to videos that involved tucking and had given his penis the creepiest considering stare.

Nobody really seemed to think he needed much to prepare for this role seeing as they had seen him on more than one occasion shaking his ass off (He was sloshed on both occasions and they had taken video evidence for blackmail.). They knew he could dance and that to them seemed to be all he needed to be convincing. However, he still felt wholly unprepared for the mission for _other reasons, damn it_ and had bought his concerns to his mentor only to be met with a pat on the back and an “I believe in you, Eggsy” speech. Merlin had been no help either only offering up a “It’s all about confidence, Eggsy. A Kingsman is also in many ways a performer, sliding into another skin for each mission with only his training, a handful of weapons and his _confidence_ to help him through it _._ ”

No one had seemed particularly bothered about his very obvious internal crisis and not for the first or the last time, he considers trying to convince someone else to take this mission, as he meets Roxy outside of her house.

Roxy has the biggest grin Eggsy had ever seen on her face as she opens the door. She, too, is probably enjoying this way more than is necessary.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Of course, not every day that I get to play with a life sized Ken doll and turn him into Barbie.” She says as she closes the door behind her. He needs new friends, friends that aren’t conniving manipulators who enjoyed seeing him uncomfortable.

They had planned to go shopping for him today, everything from makeup, to wigs, to dresses and shoes that he could perform in. He isn’t so much worried about the looks that he would inevitably get while trying things on as he is that he’d give away too much and reveal to Roxy his biggest secret. He’s a firm believer that every person should be allowed at least one secret and since Roxy already knew about his crush on Harry, he holds this secret closer to the chest.  

\-----------------

The first time he meets Miss Jones, he is a pitiful mess and she is the angel that saves him. Money is always tight in their household because even when Dean was making a lot of money from his shady businesses he was a right bastard. So Eggsy had had to do odd jobs to help his mum along, but every now and then he’d put aside a little of the money he makes and saves up enough to buy something special for himself. He remembers buying those Nike shoes- magnificent, beautiful shoes he’d been wanting since forever. He remembers seeing the envy in his mates eyes and the pride he’d felt at having worked hard from them- the satisfaction of handing the cashier his money and putting the shoes on for the first time. He’d also remember the god awful beating Dean’s son had given him afterwards to get those shoes.

He’s sitting miserable on the street- shoeless when he sees her. Well, he sees her shoes first- high heeled and dangerous right in front of him. It’s raining hard and he’s shivering in his coat, looking like a drowned rat and he thinks he must look terrible for this random stranger to stop wherever their going. He doesn’t feel the rain anymore and realizes that the woman is holding her umbrella over him now too. He looks up to thank her but stops when he realizes it isn’t a woman he’s seeing. She has on a beautiful coat that does nothing to hide her wide shoulders or the adam’s apple that’s clearly on her neck. She has on makeup and possibly a wig but, even so, underneath it all are the hard edges and angles of a masculine face. He’s suspicions are confirmed when he catches him looking and asks:

“Are you alright, Sugar?” his voice deep and scratchy, probably from years of smoking.

“I... I’m not.” And it must be the trembling hopelessness in his voice that compels the man to offer Eggsy someplace to wait out the rain, dry off and get warm.

The man introduces himself as Miss Jones and asks to be called Missy as they enter into his apartment, only a block from where Eggsy had been sitting in the rain. His apartment is small, littered with sequined dresses and brightly coloured wigs- walls a soft colour and with fairy lights hanging over his fire place. The place lacks any of the strong typical masculine touches that occupy his own room and the rooms of the typical males he’s accustomed to and he finds his views shifting. He’s always been exposed to only one type of man- the stereotypical gruffness of men like Dean and here in this room with Miss Jones, he finds himself confused. Miss Jones is nothing like Dean and Eggsy wonders if his softness and kindness means she’s more a lady than a man.

She ignores whatever uncertainty must show on his face and doesn’t ask for his name until much later, after she’d sat him at a chair in her kitchen, grabbed him some blankets to warm up and put water on a boil for tea.

“So  Sugar, what’s yer name?”

“’M.. Eggsy.” He answers. He keeps his gaze firmly on the table, a little bit uncomfortable in his surroundings. He knows he shouldn’t feel safe here- in a stranger’s home with a person he knows nothing about but he does.

“Hmm... Eggsy. That’s a cute name...” she trails off. Eggsy feels her moving closer to him from her seat next to his. She reaches out a hand to his face slowly- careful not to spook him and tilts his chin up to take a better look.  

“Eggsy, darling, no offense, but you look god awful. What happened to you?” she asks, looking more concerned for him than anyone except his mother has for a long time. This close, Miss Jones’ makeup looks harsher- the lines of different coloured powder on her face more defined but she looks no less beautiful.

“Nothing, just a coupl’a jerks... wanted my shoes. That’s all.”

“Doesn’t look like just some couple of jerks... by that shiner on yer eye.” She stands up to go to the fridge, and comes back to offer him a frozen pack of peas.

“Shit, does it look bad? Fuck my mum’s gonna freak.” He takes the peas from her and presses it up to his face- the throbbing should have told him sooner that it was gonna bruise but he’d almost forgotten about his face in the almost numbness he’d felt after the beating was over. Correction- it wasn’t numbness so much as that his whole body felt like one big bruise- everything had hurt.

“Keep the ice on, darling. It should look a ‘lil better by morning.” She says, resuming her spot on the seat next to him. She seems to be considering him carefully and her intensity unnerves him.

 “Look it was nothing really. Thank you for your help and all but I should probably be heading home soon.” He makes a move to stand up but Missy catches his arm and holds him in place.

“Darling, I know you have no reason to trust me or nothing but if that were the work of random ‘just a coupl’a jerks’ muggers then you wouldn’t have been crying alone in the street under the rain ‘till I found you. You’d be at home with your mum, having her take care of you instead of being here. Now tell me what happened and let me help.”

And for some reason Eggsy does. Eggsy tells her about his awful step father and his even more awful son. He tells her about the house that hasn’t felt like home in years and his mother who can’t leave the man that sometimes beats her and how some days he never wants to go back. He tells her about the impotence he feels watching these people take over their lives and the anger at needing and depending on them for anything. He cries as he tells her his entire life story on her couch- a boy with nowhere else to go. He stays the entire night through and Missy just holds him and strokes his hair until he’s lulled into sleep- safe. He doesn’t come home till morning and as faces the light of another day he feels lighter than he did before at having met this wonderful stranger.

That night he’s adopted by a lovely man in a dress.

\-----------------

Miss Jones and her friends (a loud group of colourful queens) had taught him pretty much all he needs for this mission. They’d taught him how to paint his face (“Darling, contouring is your friend. Too much and you look like a horror show, too little and the stage lights will wash you right out.”), how to walk in high heels (“Chin up, body straight” “I can’t do this, I’m going to fall and break my neck.”), how to create the illusion of feminine curves (“This, love, is a bra. And these, right here, are the silicone falsies you’re going to stuff in them.”) and how to tuck (“Look, love, there is absolutely no need to panic. All you have to do is pull your balls down, tuck your penis in between your legs till they kiss your butt crack and tape it all down.”).

Sadly, he wasn’t at all ready to tell anyone about it. He couldn’t bring himself to admit to Roxy and the others that he’d already had extensive training and knowledge on the subject. It was a part of himself that he’d held onto for so long and never let anyone else see.

He was sure his mother had an inkling as to what he had been doing all those times he’d been out to ‘work on a project’ with some friends. Mothers know these things, he was sure. And he had come home enough times smelling of perfume and with just a little bit of mascara left on his eyes for someone to be suspicious. Not to mention, he once accidentally left a bra or two under his bed only to find them cleaned and put away neatly in his drawer. His mother had never talked to him about it though, probably preferring that he come to her first but he never did and he still sometimes sees the wounded look in her eyes from him keeping secrets. He couldn’t come out with it though and just tell her- in his mind he had separated the life he was living with his mum and Dean and the person he was when he was with Missy and the other queens.

Even his closest friends hadn’t known either. They had always known he was equal opportunity when it came to bed partners and didn’t have any problems with it. They were an open enough bunch but he didn’t want to push it with the admission that he sometimes liked to dress like a lady. People like to think of themselves as open minded but the truth is always different when they’re confronted by another person’s differences in reality.

He had done everything he could to hide it back then- extreme measures that had kept his secret safe. So no one knew just him and the queens and for now he wanted to keep it that way.

But Roxy was making it difficult. After all the shopping that they had done, they had gone to Eggsy’s place (thank God his mum was away with Daisy for the weekend) to check out all their purchases and start preparing proper for the mission. Roxy had a grand time picking out all the things she thought would fit Eggsy perfectly during their trip to the shops, but there had been more than one snag along the way that had made the day seem even longer and more tedious than it already had the potential to be at first. First of all, the makeup palette she had picked out for him was all wrong for his skin tone, she had of course tested it out on his skin but had been much too confident and refused help from the makeup counter girl. He wasn’t sure how to correct her without revealing the truth and had kept his mouth shut- letting her buy more than a couple of hundred pounds worth of makeup he probably won’t be using. He hadn’t been aware at the time that this instance would foreshadow the tone of the whole day- wherein Roxy would end up picking things that were wrong for him and he wouldn’t be able to stop her until the second time it happened (when she picked out a totally atrocious dress that did nothing for him and made him look ridiculous). The whole day had passed in that manner and at the end of it Eggsy was ready to just go home- contemplate burning their new purchases and sleep but no, Roxy wanted to come in. She wanted him to model out all the stuff they got- the awful dresses, the awful shoes and the awful makeup.

He stands in front of a mirror, wearing a low cut, slinky figure hugging red dress, white, strappy heels and a bleach blonde straight wig. He looks ridiculous. The dress making his muscles look even more huge and the wig doing nothing to soften his angular features. Roxy is shaking in silent laughter and wiping tears from her eyes and he is about ready to murder her.

“Roxy... this is terrible.” He whines, ready to give up on everything.

“I know.” She says still chuckling. Eggsy contemplates shooting her with the amnesia dart in his watch.

“I have no idea how we’re going to make this work. Maybe it just looks bad cuz it’s unfinished. I told you we should have tried the tucking already.” She’s rising from her seat at his bed now and moving closer to him with singular intent on her face and he can’t, he just... can’t. “Nope, not gonna happen Rox. You, stay away. I’m not letting you nowhere near my DICK.” He screams while running off to lock himself in the bathroom- pride be damned.

“Come on Eggsy, get out of there. We need to fix this and fast. There’s only three more days till the mission and we still have a long way to go.”

“I can’t do this Rox.”

“Yes you can.” She tries reassuring him.

“No, I can’t do this with you.” he feels the sudden silence outside the room like a punch to the gut. He thinks she might have left after a few beats of silence has passed.

“Why not?” She asks tentative. He feels like an awful friend for ruining her fun and a bad partner at shutting her out because this is her mission too but he can’t do this with her.

“I think it would be better if I prepare on my own Rox, I appreciate the help really... but I think it would be more efficient if I do this... without you here...” he trails off.

Already he knows he could have phrased that better. “Are you saying I’m getting in your way Eggsy?” Her voice is louder now- upset, angry. He wants to backtrack and fix this, tell her he didn’t mean it that way and of course he needs her but at this point he’s tired and the truth is she isn’t helping really, so he keeps silent instead.

“Fine, if that’s the way it is.” and he hears the door to his room slam behind her.

He’ll fix it later- buy her that expensive handbag he knows she wants for her birthday but for now he needs to get his shit together and prepare for real. After all Missy once said, _Honey it’s all about the pre-show, after all no one is born a queen, queens are made with tons of makeup and a whole fuckton of glitter._

\-----------------

Harry can admit that he has no idea how this mission is going to turn out. He places a great deal of trust in Eggsy’s abilities but a part of him also doubts Eggsy will be able to pull this off, not because of anything the agent has done or shown, but because this is so far from the norm of their usual that he isn’t sure anyone can pull it off. He can also admit, but only to himself, that he had perhaps been too intrigued by the idea of Eggsy in a dress that he hadn’t given much thought as to the practicality of their course of action. The decision to send Eggsy in as a budding drag queen was more than a little haphazard and Harry would much rather blame the fact that they were rather desperate when they had gotten the intel, that their mark preferred his men in drag, and had scrambled for a possible solution only to realize that there was no other alternative to their current course of action, than the actual shady truth of the matter.

Perhaps it’s his hasty decision making that will later be blamed when the mission goes belly up but he can’t find it in himself to regret any of it when he actually sees Eggsy for the first time since giving him the mission.  

\------------------

Club medusa is packed that Friday. Harry almost can’t believe that these many people would come to a club like this to see none other than a drag show of all things. Back in his days there was little more taboo than cross dressing but Harry himself understands the appeal and so as it seems does the rest of the new world.

 He’s sitting on a couch alone near the stage at the exclusive (meaning the most expensive seats in the house) roped in area. The target is in his direct line of sight only a few seats away- surrounded by a few of his body guards and looking utterly at ease in his surroundings. The man is attractive and more than a couple of people have been circling around him like vultures but he pays attention to none of them, seemingly waiting patiently for the main attraction. Harry can’t help the curl of jealousy in his stomach at the thought that Eggsy will be seducing this man and possibly going home with him. His brain understands that this is just another mission and god knows he’s watched Eggsy do honey pot missions before but this feels different somehow. He’s felt jealousy at seeing his protégé seduce other men for information before but something about the situation makes his concern and jealousy almost ten times worse. He thinks it’s worse because his mind has come up with vague images of Eggsy- soft and vulnerable. He can only imagine how much skin the boy will be showing while on stage later (obviously as he will be wearing a dress or something of the sort) and he can’t help thinking of that skin pressed up against another person’s naked skin and at the same time (if worse comes to worst) he also can’t help imagining it littered with marks of the non-sexual kind. He’s seen Eggsy without the suit on more than one occasion, has seen his smooth skin after he’s showered at Harry’s place and spent the night in his guest bedroom after a gruelling mission (coming home to him to avoid the questions his mother would ask about the bruises he’s gotten from fighting). Eggsy’s suit is an armour against all who wish to harm him, he’s worn it on every mission- even honey pot ones and this is the first time he’s going to be on the field without it. There is no hiding under the suit here until he can get the target alone and just as vulnerable as he is. Every inch of his skin showing- is vulnerable flesh and on that stage later he can only rely on himself and pray that no bullets would end up flying his way.  

He’s interrupted from the morose turn his mind has taken by a tiny voice in his ear saying loudly.

(“Arthur, do you hear me?”)

“Yes, of course.” He coughs out realizing he hasn’t been paying attention to anything Merlin and Roxy had said in the last couple of minutes. He isn’t too bothered by what he could have missed during their conversation, however, as Roxy had spent the entirety of their pre deployment and the last hour since the actual start of their mission, complaining- ranting really, about how Eggsy had booted her out of preparations.

(“This is going to go terribly, Arthur, I’m telling you. You should have seen him in that dress. He looked bloody ridiculous in it and he wouldn’t let me help him.”) She’s gone off on pretty much the same tangent over and over again.

He doesn’t think things bode well for the mission at hand if even Roxy doubts their ability to pull this off. The young woman was currently at the bar, scanning constantly for threats and waiting patiently for Eggsy to make his debut as well. Harry spares a moment to feel disappointed that Eggsy had shooed Roxy away from his preparation so early as no one seems to have any information as to what they can expect when Eggsy walks out onto that stage. The boy had kept everyone away from his ‘preparations’ even after Roxy had blabbed to Merlin and Merlin had demanded that he let her back in. He had claimed that he had it all under control and that he had everything he needed to make the mission work. He had cited all their earlier answers to his doubts when asked why they should just let him be ( _the cheeky bugger_ )and had shut the proverbial door on their faces. He has the distinct feeling that they have all just gone into this thing blind and that they will all inevitably fail. It gives him a throbbing headache that he wishes he could ignore.

(“We have to trust that Eggsy can do this because there is, frankly, nothing more we can do.”) That would be Merlin, ever pragmatic.

(“Well, I’m glad at least someone believes in me. I think.”) Eggsy says, startling everyone on the line. It was the first words Harry had heard from him since they gave him the mission. The boy must have just turned on his mike, having been unable to wear his standard issue glasses- Merlin had instead given the boy a Kingsman pin that served as a mike and a camera and earrings (that previous female Kingsman agents had used before the invention of the glasses) as an earpiece. Merlin had only been aware that Eggsy was even in the building because of the tracking device attached to his watch. So it wasn’t until now that the boy had turned on his equipment that they could actually communicate with him.

“Eggsy, good of you to join us.” Harry says softly, feeling somehow a little relieved now that he could hear his boy’s voice.

(“Hmmm.. ain’t my fault Bruv, if I’m late to the party. Had to shave me legs and what not.”) The boy answers sounding a little breathless, they can all hear a slight rustling sound that Harry imagines is Eggsy fixing his dress. Harry hates that he can’t switch the feed on his glasses to see what Eggsy is doing at the moment but is satisfied at the thought that he will be seeing him at any moment nonetheless.

(“What number are you in the line up?”) Merlin asks.

(“Number six. Right after the massive queen in the green wig”) Eggsy answers.

(“Alright, the target will be on your right Eggsy, second row.”)

(“Copy that.”)

Harry can hear loud voices coming from Eggsy’s mike. There seems to be commotion in the backstage and Harry experiences blinding panic, for a moment, already thinking the worst until a man in a gold sequined gown comes up on stage to announce the start of the program.

“Ladies and gentlemen, lesbians and gays and everyone in between. Welcome to Medusa. Tonight we have a fantastic show for you filled with old queens who’ve stood the test of time and probably need to retire and new queens spreading their beautiful butterfly wings for the first time.” the man says in a slow drawling tone. A few chuckles can be heard from the crowd at his intro. “Should we start then? I’m sure you’re already tired of my tired old face, without further ado... our first queen Milky White performing the so-classic-aren’t-you-all-tired-of-it-yet Lady Marmalade.”

The first queen, Harry considers with barely there interest, isn’t really memorable- he’s young and gawky and dressed tackily. He’s all over the place with his dancing- most probably new and still somewhat uncomfortable in his skin. After a while of watching him flail all over the place he quickly loses the attention of the crowd and Harry feels a little sorry for him. He wonders to himself if Eggsy would be anything like this boy when he comes onto the stage- nervous, self conscious but his mind tells him that Eggsy would be nothing like this boy. Sure, he may be biased but he thinks that even if Eggsy was nervous and self conscious, he’d use it like everything else in his arsenal to charm everybody watching.

He doesn’t pay any more attention to the stage after that first performance, preferring instead to watch his mark. The mark seems riveted by every performance but though his gaze lingers on a performer here and there he doesn’t show much more than a passing interest. To Harry, at least, he seems to be waiting for something in particular- looking for someone, whether or not this person is already known to him or is an ideal (in his head) that the man is hoping will show himself on the stage tonight, Harry doesn’t know for sure.

It isn’t until he hears Merlin’s voice that his gaze is once again attracted by the stage. (“The queen in the green wig has just finished. Eggsy’s coming up next.”)

(“Thank God for that. I’ve been dying over here waiting. Hope he doesn’t cock this up.”)  

“Well wasn’t that just delightful.” Their MC says as he walks onto the stage. He doesn’t look the least bit delighted by the previous performance. “Now our next performer, takes her name from a popular drug, wonder if she’ll electrify us just the same. Give your hands up for Ecstasy performing ‘You know I’m no good’ by Amy Winehouse” (“Ecstasy? What kinda name is that?”) (“Shut it, Merlin”).

“Eggsy” Harry says suddenly, knowing that they only had seconds before his boy would be on stage.

It takes a heartbeat but he hears a breathy. (“Yeah?”)

“Whatever happens, I’m proud of you, my boy.”

The lights turn off on the stage and the beginning notes of a song Harry’s sure he’s heard before play softly in the background. Everybody is quiet- taken by surprise at the change in mood- up till now all the other performances had involved upbeat tracks- gyrating bodies on the stage, fun but without any of the sex appeal that comes with the slow burning anticipation they’re now made to feel. Suddenly just as Harry is sure that Eggsy’s out to kill them with the suspense the spotlight comes on to shine on a beautiful girl holding onto a mike stand.  

 _Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard_  
Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt  
You say, "Why did you do it with him today?"  
And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

The girl on the stage moves her hips in a slow sway to the song- holding on to the mike stand like a lover, moving her hands downwards slowly in a caress and moving it up again only to take the mike off of the stand. Her movements aren’t exaggerated, only languid and comfortable. She comes down from the stage and walks onto the floor where the patrons are watching her every move.

 _'Cause you're my fella, my guy_  
Hand me your Stella and fly  
By the time I'm out the door  
You tear me down like Roger Moore

She’s dancing now in the middle of the room moving her body up and down- running a gloved hand over her hips and thighs, long legs encased in see through black tights. Harry wonders what it would feel like to run his hands underneath those tights, wonders how soft and smooth the skin beneath it would be. She moves from patron to patron as she sings- touching one man’s chest and moving close to sing to his ear.  She moves to straddle and grind up to him briefly and just as the man is getting into it she leaves him suddenly- flittering away. The man left reaching out to her as she walks on to the next person who’s caught her eye.  

 _I cheated myself_  
Like I knew I would  
I told ya I was troubled  
You know that I'm no good

Harry forgets everything as he watches her. He is sucked into a smoky, heady black room where a girl dances and steals away his soul. It isn’t until she catches his eye from a few feet away that Harry’s mind seems to come back on line- it’s slow like coming out from a fog but looking back at him from under blonde fringes are familiar green eyes. His minds takes a minute more to connect this beautiful creature with the boy that’s been haunting his every fantasy since they’ve met but when it does he’s jolted away from the daydream. He remembers that they are here on a mission- that the beautiful girl is nothing more than an illusion.

 _Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy_  
He's in the place, but I can't get joy  
Thinking of you in the final throes  
This is when my buzzer goes

 _Run out to meet your chips and pitter_  
You say when we're married 'cause you're not bitter  
There'll be none of him no more  
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

Eggsy moves on to the target- close enough to touch, his gloved hands pulling on a sapphire coloured tie. The mark smirks at him as if he’s the one who’s caught Eggsy and not the other way around. Eggsy raises one of his long legs up- runs his stiletto covered foot along the inside of the man’s thighs. The man visibly opens his legs wider and Eggsy moves his foot closer to the man’s groin- stopping with his foot hovering just a hairsbreadth away. He then swings the leg over the man’s thighs and straddles him- giving him a lewd little lap dance. The expression on the other man’s face says he’s enjoying the moment immensely and Harry considers the many ways he could kill this man. He contemplates claiming left over insanity from the valentine chip as his defence for murder but reminds himself of the massive chewing out from Merlin he is likely to get from traumatizing all these people.

Eggsy doesn’t stay dancing for the mark for too long. He remembers Miss Jones in his head telling him to _keep them wanting more_. So he moves off of the man and continues on the rest of his little dance routine in the middle of the room, except on the way he somehow catches Harry’s eyes again. The older gentleman had been watching him all throughout the performance seemingly paying no mind to their actual target. Eggsy had been distinctly aware of him the entire time- feeling his mentor’s gaze run all over him as he dances, could sense those intense eyes boring into his back as he dances for someone else. He keeps thinking he’s imagining the want in those brown eyes but for a moment as he catches his mentor looking- the light brighter for some reason; the hunger in his gaze seems clear. The look on Harry’s face is the kind of look Eggsy had known to spot early on, it’s the look of a man who’d give everything for just a night with him. It makes him feel powerful, much more than just the rush the seas of lingering gazes had given him and as he dances on in the middle of the room he keeps his gaze on Harry’s face as if they’re the only two people in the room. 

 _I cheated myself_  
Like I knew I would  
I told ya I was troubled  
You know that I'm no good

\------------------

Eggsy had always enjoyed dressing up in women’s clothes. When he was young and had just met the Queens, he had been shy and angry. He was always too brash, too rough around the edges and sullen. He didn’t have many friends after his father died and the few he had left were chased away when Dean had come into his life. He was completely isolated and had been tired of being alone. The Queens had been his saving grace. They were patient with him and treated him like one of their own, like family. They had helped him come out of his shell- shown him the way when he was beginning to be curious about dressing up and maybe being attracted to other boys. It was right in the middle of their piles of sequined dresses and colourful wigs that his alter ego had been born.

Ecstasy was everything he wasn’t soft, innocent with just a little bit of fierceness, brave. She had her share of insecurities but on a stage, dolled up and dancing none of it mattered.

She admires her reflection now on the backstage of Medusa. The high from performing is still in her veins but she takes a moment to really look at herself- to think about this person she’s become for the night and how the men outside had reacted to her. The look she has on is minimal compared to the other queens, long blonde wavy wig with a fringe, pale pink lipstick, cat eye and thick false lashes, less Priscilla, Queen of the desert and more 70’s sex kitten Brigitte Bardot ( _if only she was a Queen_ ). She had chosen to wear a black baby doll dress so short it gave some lucky person a peak of a little bit of her black underwear with a pale pink fur shrug to cover up her shoulders and biceps (once upon a time she was thin and lanky enough not to need them). She has considerable cleavage from the falsies she’s worn and her legs look long and sexy in her tights. She thinks she looks good in this and thinks she performed well out there tonight and judging from everyone else’s reaction she thinks they do too.   

She’s brought away from her vanity by the voice in her ear. (“That was something” Merlin says sounding shell shocked.)

“Thanks, I guess. I’m sure it wasn’t what you were expecting.” The insecurity is clawing its way out of his throat- maybe he didn’t do as well as he had though.

(“I’m pretty sure you broke Harry.” Roxy finally says, seemingly forgetting her previous ire enough to grace Eggsy with her voice.)  

“What?.. What do you mean I broke Harry?”

(“Arthur.” Merlin emphasizes. “Seems to have left the building. He took off his glasses after your performance and isn’t responding to my calls.”)

“Damn it, why’d he do that? What about the mission?” he says lowly. The queens all seem to be preoccupied with their own things- putting on makeup and chattering to each other but he doesn’t want to risk it.

(“It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is we keep going. You did a good job out there, Eggsy. And it seemed to me that our mark was definitely interested.” Merlin replies.)

“What happens now?”

(“We wait. Presumably, he’d get someone to come to you.”)

“Alright, let me know--” before he can finish his statement, he’s interrupted by a loud bang- the dressing room door slamming behind a tall queen who’s in a costume that’s interestingly gender bending.

She looks furious storming up to him. “You little tart, I don’t know what you’re pulling but that man out there you were pawing at is mine. I’ve been working on him for weeks and you just waltz in here with your skinny, pasty arse, bat your lashes and think you can trap him.. well think again, you slut. I work too damn hard.” She’s in Eggsy’s face, poking a long manicured nail at his chest- looking entirely like one wrong word from him and the claws were out. The glare she was giving him said he was prepared to commit murder on his person for the man she thought they were fighting over. The room is silent- everybody watching now but no one bothering to intervene for fear of losing their wigs and dignity. Eggsy’s tongue-tied silent. He knows the queen’s referring to the mark after all he’d spent the longest time ‘pawing’ at him and making his interest known to all. He knows what the mission requires of him but he also knows queens and knows that if he doesn’t back off it would mean bloodshed. Had it been for anyone else he would have sassed this queen and not cared about the consequences but they’re still on a mission and he wouldn’t want to come out of the room with scratches and bruises all over ( _Also, this tights would not hold up in a fight, damn it_ ).

(“Disengage, Eggsy.” Merlin says ever helpful. The man sounds amused as fuck and Eggsy wants to punch his bald head.)

Thankfully one brave queen comes up to them and puts a hand on the other queen’s shoulder. “Look ladies, night’s not over yet and I don’t think anyone wants to come out there later looking like they’ve been run over by a train, so claws back in loves and back away to your corners now.” Eggsy remains silent throughout the whole ordeal- unchallenging, his head bowed slightly in supplication. After a couple of tense seconds, the queen that attacked him backs away and goes back to the table assigned to her.

(“Oh dear god, that sounded like it could have escalated quickly. I thought for sure it’d turn into a full on drag queen cat fight.” Roxy says. “Wish I could have seen it though.” She says softer, like the mike wouldn’t catch it.)

Eggsy ignores them and looks over to the queen that saved him to offer thanks. “Thank you for that, you didn’t need--” “Uhuh... I needed to, Sugar. After all, you always did attract trouble.” And the familiar way her mouth curls over the name ‘Sugar’ punches him right in the stomach. He stares at her- under all the layers of makeup, a familiar face, older but no less beautiful.

“Miss Jones.” His voice nothing but a whisper, he can feel his world colliding and it leaves him reeling.  

(“Eggsy, What’s happening? Do you know this person?” Merlin says in his ear.)

“Been a long time, love”

“I know.” Eggsy can’t escape in their tiny dressing room. The show is still going on outside. He’s still in the middle of a mission but he doesn’t pay attention to any of it. He sits down in front of his vanity mirror and removes his earrings.

“Never thought I’d see you performing again” Missy says sitting down next to her.

“It’s just one night Miss Jones” She says softly. “Just needed the money is all.” And the lie slips seamlessly out of her lips like a dozen times before. “I promise. I’ll disappear again after this.”

Missy grabs on to her wrist tight. And her hand- her hands belie what her makeup’s covered up, spots of age, a little bit of sagging skin. Eggsy looks at her, in her big wig and shimmering dress and studiously avoids her eyes. But, as always, Missy doesn’t let her do it. The older woman holds a hand up to Eggsy’s face and forces her to look. Her eyes are warm and there are tears at the corner desperately holding on and trying not to fall. Eggsy feels wretched and she wants nothing more than to flee but as she’s thinking of pulling away- Missy’s arm moves around to hold her.

“I’ve missed you.”

\---------------

Eggsy contemplates the utter failure of the mission as she walks to Harry’s house. She hasn’t taken off the drag- only replaced the shrug with a longer coat. She’s wary of letting go of the comfort she gets from wearing her clothes and let’s it all embrace her for a moment longer. She doesn’t want to shed away the persona just yet- wants to feel beautiful _for just a moment longer._ Maybe she’s selfish but she doesn’t care- the Eggsy that wears beautiful dresses can afford to be selfish.

She feels her tight control over her emotions wearing thin. She remembers everyone’s disappointed faces as they all went their separate ways without the intel that they needed. Most of all she remembers the face of the woman she’s so desperately tried to forget. There were other reasons she wanted to keep her friends from this part of her life. She wouldn’t be able to handle the judgement. It was never just about the dresses- that she’d liked them and had occasionally worn them. It was about the fact that she inevitably ended up disappointing everyone who’s ever given her a chance. The queens had been such a big part of her life. They had been kind to her and once upon a time offered her the same thing Kingsman and Harry offer her now- a chance to make something of herself, but she had fucked it up. She was young and stupid and she’d a mistake and instead of taking responsibility and owning up to it- she ran. She doesn’t want Harry and the others to think that that’s all she’s capable of doing- fucking up and running, doesn’t want Harry to think she’d ever do that to him.

She comes up to the door at Harry’s town house and rings the bell. She doesn’t even know if Harry’s still up. It’s been hours since Merlin, Roxy and she had called it a night and since the performances ended and the club had closed. She knows it must be morning and that Harry’s probably getting some much needed sleep but she wants to see him desperately. She rings the bell again and almost turns back after a minute of no one showing up when the door suddenly opens- and there is Harry Hart, looking impossibly handsome. He looks like a mess but the absence of the robe and sleepwear tell her that she hadn’t interrupted his sleep for which she is thankful.

“Come in” he says while moving to the side to let her through.

“I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. I just.... I wanted to see you.” If this were that kind of movie, she thinks now would be the time to lean up and kiss him but it isn’t and she doesn’t. Instead she walks to his sitting room, removes her coat and sits on the couch. She doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing here but nonetheless she looks to Harry and pats the empty space next to her “Sit, please.”

He moves like a puppet on a string, sitting where she bids and a part of her worries that this is just the dress. She’s had a long day and she needs him- wants to curl up next to him and forget everything that happened but she can’t be sure if that’s what he wants. If he feels the same way she does.

“Why are you here Eggsy?” the use of her name surprises her- makes her look up into her mentor’s eyes. He looks at her with an expression she can’t read and she wonders what he sees beneath the makeup.

But the use of her name also reminds her that this feeling can’t last. She can’t hide in the comfort of all the pretty dresses forever. She looks away from Harry, pulls off her blonde wig and slouches her back on the couch.

“I’m sorry, Harry.”

“About what?” he says sounding frustrated- which concerns Eggsy because Harry only ever sounds frustrated with him.

“About the mission. I didn’t do a good enough job out there.. then I got distracted with some things... and fuck, Harry. I fucked it up” He is so tired. He wants to go home, rub off all the makeup and glitter and the feeling of failure.

“Oh Eggsy. You idiot...” and he looks up at Harry at that. He thinks he’d like to have a cry now, thanks. But Harry only holds his gaze and follows up with “.. you didn’t fuck anything up. The intel was bad in the first place. The mark wouldn’t have gone after you at all. He was already there for someone else.”

“Still, I should have...”

“Should have, what, Eggsy? You’d already done everything you could have, short of dropping right there in the middle of the floor and offering to blow him.” at this Eggsy can’t help the sudden bark of laughter.

Harry doesn’t seem angry with him at all which confuses Eggsy. The mark may have been after someone else already when he had walked into the club but Eggsy had still gotten distracted and dropped the ball. Eggsy had seen a ghost from his past and instead of doing what his Kingsman training told him to do which was get out of there and continue on with his task, he’d gotten himself roped into the black hole of memory and sentimentality. He’d taken off his earpiece and had spent the night talking to Miss Jones. Merlin had rimmed him out for it (“I’m disappointed in you, Eggsy. Under no circumstances should you ever take off your earpiece during a field mission. I don’t have a habit of making conjecture but any number of things could have gone wrong and you could have gotten yourself hurt. Expect an official written reprimand in the morning”). There had also been the implicit threat of shit missions for the next weeks. Roxy had also given him the stink eye, preferring not to acknowledge his existence. He understands he hurt her not just by keeping her away from the mission but also for keeping secrets this big. He still hasn’t thought of a way to make it up to her.

None of them had asked any questions though, which was a relief. He’d kept the mike on the entire time and he knows that Merlin and Roxy had heard him talking to Miss Jones- could infer from everything that was said in that dressing room that this wasn’t his first time. He knows one day he’ll need to explain himself to all of them because they deserve to know. They deserve to know the person beneath because they’ve already shown him they could be trusted. They deserved to be a part of his world in full and he thinks it’s time to actually start taking chances and letting people in.  

“What happens now?” he notes that this isn’t the first time he’s asked this tonight either.

“We try to go after him another way.” Harry sighs leaning back onto the couch- mirroring Eggsy’s position, closing his eyes. He looks the picture of exhaustion with his hair mussed and his crisp white shirt rolled to his elbows. He seems to still be in the same shirt as he was before at the club. He seems a right mess. Gone is the man who is always so controlled- the gentleman who’s always so sharp, not a hair out of place. He looks, instead, bothered- as if he had been through something that so changed something in him.

Eggsy suddenly remembers the way Harry had looked at him at the club. The hot lingering gaze he had felt on his body as he danced and he allows the hope blooming in his chest.

“Why did you leave in the middle of the mission, Harry?”

This seems to startle Harry out of his thoughts and Eggsy imagines the blush that would stain his cheeks if he were the type to. “I... am a busy man. You already had both Merlin and Roxy as your support. You didn’t need me there.” Lies.

“Then why’d you come at all?” Eggsy asks incredulously.

 “I’d wanted to see you take point on a mission for the first time. You’d been given much more responsibility during this mission than you have been any other time. I wanted to see you succeed.” More lies.

“Uhuh... then I suppose you’ve also been awake all this time because you had more work to do right?” Eggsy says staring Harry down. The older man seemed to be channelling casualness and cool, unconcerned with what Eggsy was getting at- but he knew the truth and he wants to hear it from the other man.

“Of course. What else would I have been doing?”

“Hmmm... I suppose there really isn’t any other reason why you’d still be awake at half past 4.” Eggsy says moving slowly to gather his things.

“I should probably go. It’s late.” He says standing up. This seemed to awaken something in the older man and Harry straightens up from his seat on the couch and reaches out to grab onto his arm and stop him.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It. Is. Late. You should stay. The guest bedroom is always available.” And Eggsy could just slap him at that last sentence. Eggsy wants Harry to admit it- to admit it to himself, to admit it to Eggsy, to lose control just once, let go and move forward.

“No I really should go.” Eggsy insists trying to move, but Harry holds on to him and he miscalculates, teetering on 5 inch heels and eventually falling onto Harry’s lap. And Eggsy thinks hysterically that it appears this is that kind of movie. He giggles at the tangled mess on the couch that they’ve become. Him on top of Harry and Harry looking not the least bit amused. He feels like this is his chance- has the feeling that if he keeps on waiting for the other man to make a move that he’ll be waiting forever and he just can’t anymore. He feels the itching in his bones to close the gap between them and just kiss Harry. And so, not to be contrary to the plot and in an effort to move it along, he does.

Harry doesn’t respond to him immediately and for an awful minute Eggsy thinks this has all been a mistake, that the glances at the club were for somebody else, that here as he is- without his wig and his hair in a ridiculous bald cap, he isn’t good enough. But he doesn’t pull away, just presses closer- a little desperately and just like that, like something in him snapped- harry moves. They kiss desperately- all unleashed, pent up months of longing, tongues sliding slick over every ridge, over teeth, biting lips and _god, why didn’t we do this sooner?_ Harry is clutching at his hips hard enough to bruise, sliding his hand over the silky black tights- up and down his thighs, coming to a stop and cupping his ass.

The two of them had been building up to this- months of waiting and waiting for the other person to make a move. There had been a tension there that they were both aware of but neither men were absolutely sure. Harry had his doubts. Eggsy was young- so unbearably young. He had trained the boy’s father for god’s sake. Eggsy could find someone else, someone who wasn’t so battered by time and jaded by horrific experiences. He could leave and Harry wouldn’t have been able to survive after a taste of the life he’d always secretly wanted. Eggsy was beautiful, bright and perfect for him and Harry wanted everything. And Eggsy, Eggsy had always been insecure. He could see the longing in Harry’s eyes- had seen him looking, gaze always seeming to follow Eggsy when he’s in the room, like a magnet attracted to polar north, but he never knows what the man sees in him. There are terrible days when he can’t tell what anyone could possible see- or want with him.     

“Tell me, why did you leave?” Eggsy asks, pulling away from the kiss and looking into Harry’s face.

“Because I couldn’t resist. You are absolutely beautiful.” Harry answers, looking at him with something like awe and something like love. He looks at him as if he’s seeing beyond- beneath all the layers Eggsy’s piled onto himself, and had deemed it worthy. And Eggsy thinks if he can be selfish as just Eggsy- without the dresses and be allowed to, if it was okay for him to be selfish just this once, he’d like to ask to keep this man all to himself forever.

Eggsy leans back in and they kiss until they’re breathless and have to stop for air but they don’t move away. They keep coming back for more- kissing till the sun comes up slow and sweet with less and less of the desperation and passion of before as the hours ticked on by. The kisses leading nowhere- only offering comfort, closeness- an echo of the love they feel for each other. They fall asleep on the couch together- wrapped up in safety and warmth.

In the (late) morning, both of them will call in sick and though Merlin is no fool, he doesn’t call either man up on it. Eggsy will tell Harry over bacon, eggs and toast about the story of a boy in a dress, about a couple of queens that took the boy in and about how they taught him how to love himself. He’ll let Harry into the world of glitter and colour he’d always kept close to the chest and show him the girl that only ever comes with the dress. They’d spend the day together, cocooned in their own little world, nothing else mattering and everything else outside can wait.

 

 

 

 

    

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Edited: How Eggsy gender identifies isn't explicitly tackled in the fic (or rather what labels he chooses to apply). It's up for interpretation. Hit me up about any concerns you have, constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
